I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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