Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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