I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
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We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
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the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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