After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
