He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
