Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
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