It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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