So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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