just come out here and I will go home with you...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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