Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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