I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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