I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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