yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
