If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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