I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
