Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
