i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
