I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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