Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
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I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
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WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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