was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
