omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
This is classic penis vs brain.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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