Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
