all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
