It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She told me I should be a condom model.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
