We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
