I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
zippers are such a cool invention
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
