def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
