Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
