very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
