Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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