dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
