I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
