He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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