I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize