is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
