At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
false alarm. still invincible.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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