I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
