i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
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Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
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I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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