Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
