I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
