I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize