allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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