and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
