I am spending my child support on dildos
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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