i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We are two peas in an std pod
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Oh god it's open bar.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
how does that bad decision feel?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
