please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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