question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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