Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
