I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Send help, water and tortillas.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
