I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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