can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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