he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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