what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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