If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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