You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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