It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
