So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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