I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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