dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
