Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
