Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
