Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
