A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
