? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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