he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
