Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
