the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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