ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
