Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
