i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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