I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
