We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
