...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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