It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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