wanna go halves on a baby?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he fucked my hip out of place.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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