quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
