My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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