Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
