I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
