Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
