you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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