My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
