Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
