I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
