Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Randomize
