It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
